a new low for the species :: Evian Atomizer :: (re)made in whose image?

I hate to give it attention (even disdain is a form of advertisement), but I came across a product so mindless today that I’m having trouble imagining the person who would actually spend $15.50 on something so inane. After we tried an odor-less, color-less free sample, the friend I was with captured it in a single phrase: “For people with more money than brains.” In fact, I’m pretty sure that the only possible use for this product is to show other people just how much money you have to waste on something that you can get elsewhere for free.

So what is the offending product?

In a double lined, pressure treated, painted, labeled, aluminum aerosol can sitting in a prominent cardboard and plastic display (featuring a beautiful young woman who is obviously deriving meaning and purpose in life from her use of the product), is well… um… water.

Evian

And the intended use of this water in the well-designed aluminum can is that it should be sprayed upon one’s skin in order to “moisturize” one’s exterior. I dare say that spraying water on one’s self is an effective way to moisturize. But why spend $16 dollars on the privilege of spritzing one’s cheeks (your choice) with Evian?

Alternate instructions:
1. Place $20 bill back in your pocket
2. Exit store
3. Enter nearest washroom.
4. Locate one of many available water sources (hint: the white porcelain things)
5. Splash liberally
6. Enjoy your (free!) refreshment.

Please, save the planet the water and energy that went into producing and transporting the aluminum, labeling, cardboard and plastic in the first place. I am being self-righteous, but if I ever see someone carrying one of these abominations, I’m going to be tempted to ask him or her a few questions about the redeeming qualities they find in the experience.

To be honest, I’m insulted by the existence of the product. Anyone buying into the version of “life” that Evian is selling in this product has certainly lost touch with reality (in some kind of oblivious and idolatrous attempt to re-create the world in a totally self-centered structure).

I hope that our brothers and sisters around the world find out what we are spending our money on here in North America. The money spent on the “water atomiser” could save the lives of children who will die of diarrhea today. Enjoy your mist. This product had better not survive a month on the shelves.

Here’s an offer: I will personally mail $5 to any Evian employee who quits their job rather than participate in the manufacture, transportation, and marketing of this product. I have a few friends who might match my offer (pipe up friends!)…

If you want to show other people how wealthy you are, tape a hundred dollar bill to your forehead, and save the planet the embarrasment of being mined, packaged, transported, and sold for such a useless display of consumer-insanity.

2 Replies to “a new low for the species :: Evian Atomizer :: (re)made in whose image?”

  1. Hey Eric, I just discovered your blog the other day and wanted to let you know that I’m enjoying reading your perspective on things from time to time. I didn’t know whether to laugh or vomit as I was reading your post! I share your disbelief that there is a market for products such as these…

  2. I don’t know about $5.00 … but I will personally write them a letter of congratulations.

    I do, however, hold a sinking suspicion that most Evian employees are living in fear of losing their jobs to overseas outsourcing where some Asian or Latino worker is being paid a few beans to atomize water. It’s terrifying to me to think of lost jobs and an increasing US trade deficit that is putting our national economic stability at risk while those whose lives are put in increasing jeopardy are being encouraged to spritz water on their faces.

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